if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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