Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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