which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize