yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
