I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
