I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
