Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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