My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
