I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
