I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The feeling are messing with the penis
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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