i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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