i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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