I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
