Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize