how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize