You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize