Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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