There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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