I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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