I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
