The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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