Walk of Shame. In a state park.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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