I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
