Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
