I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
