sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
