I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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