I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
