Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
