JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
