Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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