i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
