I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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