her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
