a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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