I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize