Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
