the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
NoShamevember. You game?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
