can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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