Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
