that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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