Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
