Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
