Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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