Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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