I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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