I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
