My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize