I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
