I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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