My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
