If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
