he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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