Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
