Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
