Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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