I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
