it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize