I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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