I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
