THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
