They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
